frazzled can be such a fun word

There is something very lovely about September melting away. For me, it's a kick in the behind to get motivated - but I am deeply aware of a transition of time occurring. The flowers are beginning to fade and the leaves are dropping from the trees. The morning air feels crisp and oh how I love to breathe deep, to pull that cool calmness in. I don't see this season as an end of what was...but a simple regrouping to prepare the world for what will be. School has begun and my credential classes are in full swing...never have I been so busy, but I love it. It's not about if I can do this or not. It's not even about what will be the breaking point. Last night as I watched a fellow classmate in tears wondering how they were going to manage their time and work to survive...I realized it's all about prayer. It's true that what is expected of us is unreasonable (budget cuts equate to combining the winter semester with the fall and spring)...but the outcome is worth it. Next spring when the flowers sprout, we will have forgotten all about how this season helped to prepare us for what will undoubtedly be beautiful.

ever so thankful

I've been so busy...not even sure how it all happened! It's like I woke up one morning and found out I had all these obligations and appointments. Phew...where did my summer break go? I've been working part-time merchandising Hallmark cards, doing mom and dad's weekly shopping and shuttling mom to appointments and then in my spare time I got a wild hair and decided to open an etsy shop...that's been keeping me fairly busy! I'll reveal THAT to you once I get it all dialed in and looking pretty! And then...I may be hired to edit someone's novel, but won't find out about that until tomorrow. I ordered my books for school...5 books = $300...yikes! And tuition went sky high too! It's a good thing much of my busy work equates to money or I'd just sit down and cry.

Kristin got moved into her place and I've talked to her every day this week...bless her heart, she does make every effort to make me feel better and tonight she'll be home for the weekend. In fact, both kids will be home again this weekend (it helps when their boyfriend/girlfriend lives in town).

My heart is thankful today for...

busy hands ~
encouragement ~
peace of mind ~
a love for all things vintage ~
sweet blogging friends who don't forget about me ~
and a tail-waggin' dog ~

...and I hope you like jammin' too...

I find myself getting inspired by the smallest things I encounter. I wonder if I have always been like this and am just now more aware of it or if moments are beginning to force themselves on me so that I might wring them of every drop. I have been so busy and yet I feel I have so much to accomplish. It has been a while since I have gone to bed this exhausted. My little jam endeavor has been off the hook, crazy, wild. Never would I have imagined the response. It has been a blessing and it is something I really enjoy doing. I even ordered some cute little calling cards because I got tired of making them all by hand. Sadly, the kids have had to postpone their trip to Africa...too many things going on at once, but that's ok. I believe things happen for a reason. When they are able to go in a few months, they will be better prepared. Tomorrow, Susanna (my son's girlfriend) arrives back home from her trip to Kabale and we will have lots of pictures to soak in. Something tells me it's best for everyone to stay close to home for a few months....to better prepare, to pray, and to enjoy some family time together. As per a request or two I am putting the jam paypal option back up on my blog...for as long as jam is available. I thank (from the bottom of my tired little heart) those who have shown support by purchasing jam and/or left encouraging words. I think those of you who visit here are incredibly special and unique....just like some of the jam requests I've received!

critical discourse

Life is funny. At the beginning of the semester I pressed my slacks so as to be sure to look professional in all of my classes. I went to bed early, kept organized, felt like I was in charge of my destiny. Now, at semester's end, I'm living on coffee, staying up until the a.m., wearing blue jeans for the second time and some days it's just easier to knot the hair and wear flip-flops. I feel quite achieved when I even know what day of the week it is! 33 days until graduation...it seems like forever! Now I'm off to find me one of those countdown widgets...that'll help me keep track!
Have a good week everyone!

Graduation Countdowns

lady bug, lady bug...

I've been so busy. I've been on spring break all week trying to get ahead on school work. Unfortunately, I am easily distracted. There is always so much to do! I find myself strolling around in the backyard tending the garden I planted about three weeks ago. Little sprouts are beginning to emerge...it's so exciting! I planted tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, green onions, hot peppers, cantaloupe, squash, dill, cilantro, rosemary, and basil. My climbing rose vine is covered with aphids...and this annoys me to no end. I ordered some lively lady bugs to be delivered today...I hope they are hungry! The weather has been so beautiful...a bit windy, but warm enough to keep me sneaking outside when I should be reading or writing! What's a girl to do!?

my world wednesday

I'm up to my eyebrows with William Faulkner and while I do enjoy southern writers, he and Flannery O'Connor are beginning to appear in my dreams...one more late night with the two of them and I'll swear they had influence over writing my papers...but life goes on, spring has sprung. Erik has been home from college all week on his spring break, although I've seldom seen him. Last night both kids had their boyfriend/girlfriend over for dinner. It was nice having everyone here...good times were shared and we got to hear the story of the day. My daughter stopped for gas on her way to work and she ran inside to grab a protein bar, still half-asleep, she drove off with the gas nozzle still in her car. She went back inside to apologize and ask the guy if she needed to pay for it and he said "No, that was the funniest thing we've seen in a while, don't worry about it." I'm pretty sure that one will be in her top five most embarrassing moments!

I was still laughing today just thinking about it. That's my daughter...bless her heart!

looking in

It has been an exhaustively busy week for me and some days found me looking for a quiet space to just sit and breathe so that I might regain my composure. And then I wondered what would be so bad about others seeing me frazzled, at my wit's end...disheveled and imperfect. Maybe it's because I am a mother that I feel like I have to accomplish everything and have it all be its best....or maybe it's just how I am wired. In any case, today is the day where that mental banner of "I can't do it all" is being examined. The rules are changing, not only for my well being, but for the messages I am sending to my daughter.

December Days

Hi! Remember me? I thought I would come up for air! I have had such a busy week trying to get my fall semester at school wrapped up. If I would have done this twenty years ago when I was suppose to I probably wouldn't feel so worn out. Tonight after I visited my downtown friends I just drove around and did some shopping by myself. I enjoyed walking around and listening to the different music and watching the people. I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the windows and with my hair in a loose knot and a hippy scarf tied around my neck I thought "Oh Lord, I look like one of my homeless friends, please don't run into anyone I know." Some times I'll intentionally go without makeup when I'm on a natural kick, but I always dress semi-decent...I don't know what happened today. I shot out the door dressed in layers and didn't think much about it until I saw me looking at me and was taken back a bit. Who is that lady? I wonder if she needs a meal on a cold Friday night? Nope. That's me. A little disheveled, a little tired, but thankful for all the blessings in my day. Maybe next week will be better.



Update on Earl: He has given me permission to post his picture on Craigslist in the areas he is from, so I am hoping to have some luck finding his family that way. He has been staying at the shelter out of the cold elements and he seems to be doing a bit better. Maybe just maybe we'll have him home for Christmas.

claiming a moment

I'm taking this moment out to breathe deeply...to slow my pace...to appreciate feeling tired...to just feel. These past two weeks have been crazy and I know it's not going to get much better for another two weeks. Some days by the time I fall into bed I am numb, but I am always thankful for a full day and the opportunities that have opened my eyes. I really think it is different learning new things at this age because I appreciate them so much more. It's when I'm really busy that I notice little things more...I wonder why that is. It's like they are calling me, pulling me in for a moment of appreciation...a moment to be still in. I've managed to collect a box of blankets and about four boxes of coats and sweaters for my homeless friends. I shared with my mom what I have been doing and she took it upon herself to gather these things from friends and neighbors. She truly is an angel and I think she enjoyed having something new and purposeful to do. I'm excited to hand them out tonight.

summer days

Realizing how fast this summer break is going I decided to take a few days and attempt to finish some projects I wanted to get done while I had this time off. It's been hot and I wilt like a flower in the heat so I have to head for shade about noon and of course I sleep in until about 9 or 10 so that doesn't give me much time to get anything done, but I'm doing my best! I decided to jazz up my garden trellis' and paint them yellow....and I know I should have thought of this in the spring, but I do my most creative thinking when my time is running out to complete any ideas I come up with. My summer is just now getting into full swing and everyone is talking about their kids going back to school and the magazines all have fall pictures on them...I guess I'm just a late bloomer...but I'm not quite ready for summer to be over yet, there's still much more fun to be had!

semester crunch

Need I say more?

Ahhhhh...it's friday

Yesterday I found a quiet place on campus to get some reading done and with my back against a large rock I sat there with my eyes closed, face to the sun…just thinking. I thought about how some days are so hectic and demanding…and how other days are filled with little moments that make the day extra special…no matter what kind of day it is, the time goes by just the same…I sat in my little moment there and trusted that it was entirely mine…I watched the baby ducks practice their grooming skills, and I watched how the mommy duck kept them all together…they were such a joy to watch and I felt indebted to share my moment with her as her task was every bit as important as mine.
After a week of reading and writing, then re-reading and re-writing, I kind of thought Shakespeare might understand if I just soaked up a moment or two without him and now it’s Friday…and looking back on this week, I can see that this moment was a blessing, as was the text message I received from Kristin that said “I love you”, and the two nights Erik cooked dinner for me, and the way Lacey greeted me at the door every single day wagging her tail…many blessings this week…I just wish it hadn’t taken me until Friday to see them.

Shakespeare and I are going to have to have a long talk.

maintenance

This week off has been very fruitful for me...I've really gotten many things done.

I've pulled weeds, planted flowers, planted seeds, washed down patio furniture, scrubbed plant pots, visited Jim, served dinner to my parents 5 times (between Kristin and I, because mom's not feeling well), washed windows, screens, scrubbed floors, watched 2 movies ("Hurricane" and "Benny and Joon"), read and analyzed the entire "Othello" play by Shakespeare, engaged in Pilates twice, walked, talked to my sister Sharon on the phone, cleaned out closets, went shopping and bought yellow paint to paint the garden swing, a new garden hose, 2 new tops and yoga pants from Old Navy, washed and folded about 20 loads of laundry, blogged...and ah, yes, I even shaved my legs and painted my toenails a pretty shade of "Rosefire". I'm ready to face the remainder of the semester that will end sometime in May.

A little maintenance and down time is both refreshing and rejuvenating.

Still Breathing

Ah, the weekend is here. This was an exceptionally hectic week for me. I feel like a shut-in or a recluse. Some days I sit in front of the computer at the beginning of a 10-page literary analysis and have to remind myself why I'm doing this. The semester is coming to a close and the last push to get caught up on everything seems overwhelming, so I have held today out as my little oasis. Today I am dragging all of the Christmas stuff out knowing that it will take me longer than today to get it all up, but everyone will just have to be patient. Last night I snuck away by myself in an attempt to get a little shopping done, but the only thing I ended up purchasing was a sandwich. Some Christmas shopping huh? Hopefully today I can generate a list and be more organized. I love the season, but it is a lot of extra work. A couple of nights ago long after it had been dark, a young man knocked on my door. When I opened it, I took a quick assessment of his character by the clothes he wore. (I had little else to go by!) He was looking to make a few extra bucks by painting house numbers on the curb and of course me being me I thought it was a great idea. A few years back we had it done and it really stood out, but the paint has since faded into a few speckles of blue on the curb and so I thought it was a good opportunity to help the young man out. It seems like this time of year there are more people trying to make a fast buck and in town I'm fairly cautious when people approach, but I really do give most people consideration-even though I really don't listen to their stories because I'm too busy assessing the possibility of danger. There's always the guy who wants to wash my windshield for a buck, or he just needs some change to get back home, or he ran out of gas, or he's hungry, or....anyway, I do what I can because it's my nature and I guess I should expect more of it this time of year because they undoubtedly have families they want to buy for. Well the house number guy was trying to "earn money for school". Not very original, but I talked with him a few minutes and Lacey stood guard with her nose doing what my eyes were doing, and so between the two of us we decided to give the kid a break and let him paint our curb. He didn't use the reflectory paint, but then I didn't ask so things are what they are. When I pass by it now I am reminded that we don't always see things for what they are, but maybe that's partly because we unfairly bring our own expectations into play. In any case I thought it was $10.00 well spent just to know that things aren't always black and white.

Happy Halloween

This has been a crazy week of deadlines. I've done more writing this week than I have in a long time and the week's not over. Oh well, at least there is a celebration every other day or so to break up the monotony. This is the week of birthdays at my house. Erik turned 21 yesterday, Dave's birthday is tomorrow and Kristin's 18th is saturday. Time flies when you're having fun!