revised thoughts on dying

Yesterday in one of my classes I had a unique experience. At the beginning of class we are given a writing prompt to which we spend a few moments responding to and yesterday's topic was "Think about Thanksgiving days of the past...the smells, the tastes, and then write about it." Afterward, volunteers share their writing and it is usually a time of "Oh that's nice," or "That's pretty funny." Yesterday one student read her paper and by the time she finished I had tears flowing down my face. I tried so hard to keep my composure...when I thought I was doing OK, I turned around and every person in the class was crying. She described in great detail being with her father on Thanksgiving day two years ago when he drew his last breath. Her family was gathered around this wonderful icon in her family and essentially "walking him home." Now I have always thought of death as being an intimate experience, one in which the dying is being enveloped in that transcendent spirit of being at one with God, a time when one's life purpose is gathered and negotiated for rest, for a peaceful ending. I've always thought it would be better not having earthly sentiment be a disruption to the ever so intimate process of finding that peace...I once relished the idea of dying alone (when that time comes) and being able to achieve the peace that can only be provided by our Creator...but this woman's paper, single-handedly, has given me a new perspective on that thought and so now I am feeling what a lovely thought it is to have those you love see you through...to hold your hand...to bring comfort while that journey begins anew...and what joy those loved ones can take from that moment having been part of that spiritual peace. I think back three years ago when my father-in-law passed away on Christmas morning and there was no peace. His death was abrupt and shocking for even him as he clutched his heart and fell to the ground. Death is such a defining and vulnerable experience for everyone at all levels and even though this subject seems rather morbid on the surface...it really isn't. It is a rare moment that can be beautifully orchestrated in peace and I think what an honor it would be to have God's blessing of timeliness to have someone accompany you on that last breath...I think those moments are quite rare, but I do look at them differently now. What a strange thing to be thinking about the day before Thanksgiving! But it is an epiphanic thought for me and I just wanted the experience of writing it down. Needless to say, this person's paper was a unifying force for the class members. It drew us in and allowed us to share an emotional moment together, a rare moment in the classroom and I think our silence and our tears did something that will trigger a special look, an intimate acknowledgment, as we pass each other in the hallways on days that follow.

randomly selected...

I've been tagged by Annette!

I am suppose to pick 6 random things about me, but I think I'll twist it a bit and put 6 random things I do...just for fun!

1. I like to put coins in parking meters that are about to expire, this is especially fun when there are meter monitors in the vicinity!
Good deeds never go undone...

2. Sometimes when eating out at restaurants I like to close my eyes and randomly select my food from the menu by ordering whatever my finger points at...good thing I like everything!

3. I like sitting in random seats in the classrooms at school, this drives some of my friends crazy because they need to move around if they are to sit by me....but I like new focal points!

4. I have a ton of random thoughts that I like to talk with good friends about over coffee...like "Why do mens and womens shirts button up on the opposite sides?"

5. I enjoy taking time out to observe and appreciate random things like....blades of grass, flower petals, people playing acoustic guitars on street corners, winter scarves with lots of color, and little kids in the grocery store lines.

6. I love to pick random scriptures out of the bible and meditate on them for a few minutes in the beginning of my day or at the end of my night...it's always interesting where "random" can lead.

Want to share something random about yourself? There has to be SOMETHING you do or like that is completely random...and if you can think of SIX things...well then, create a post and consider it being "tagged."

Have a randomly good day ~

having heart

Often when I do my homework, I cozy up in the soft pillows of my bed beneath the ceiling fan and do my reading or writing. It's a very comfortable spot so I can usually justify why my reading assignments have brought on a cat nap or two. The other day I was in between those stages...of reading and needing toothpicks for my eyes, when I began to look around the room at some of my things and I kept coming back to the little board where I hang my necklaces and stuff. I had to ask myself, "When did I start collecting hearts?" I remember where each one came from, but collectively I didn't realize I had surrounded myself with them. I intentionally collect dragonflies, but I think I may have more hearts than I do dragonflies. Isn't it funny how when we suspend ourselves in the moment we see things that have been there all along? My sincerest apologies to William Butler Yeats, Samuel Beckett, and T.S. Eliot.



The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.

Jacques Benigne Bossuel

Sleeping In...

I was laying in bed this morning snuggled into the softness of pillow and comforter. The ceiling fan was creating a comfortable breeze and I just did not want to leave the simplicity of laying there. All was right with the world...and then I began to think about how grateful I am for moments like this and that led to thoughts of my children and before I realized it I was thinking about the families of the miners that are trapped in Utah. It is curiously strange how the mind never really stops and how random thoughts link together. There is always a tragedy occuring somewhere. I hear stories about people experiencing rough times and I always wonder if they have God in their life. I know a significant number of people believe in God but they do not have an intimate relationship with him. They put him away until they need him and so I am wondering why it takes a compromising event to seek him out. If we are willing to come to him at our worst, shouldn't we be willing to come to him at our best? We each are made to be imperfect, so our individual "best" sides differ. The dirty person with tattered clothing on the street curb may very well be at his best. We do not know what he has pulled himself from to be there. In any case he deserves kindness to encourage him to climb. I know how I feel when people are kind to me. Just food for thought.

Yesterday Kristin and I watched The Freedom Writers. It was a good movie and I enjoyed her company. For dinner I made white wine and herb marinated tri-tip, rosemary potatoes, pasta salad, and black-eyed peas. We very seldom eat red meat anymore but I am starting to look forward to beef stew weather so I might have to kick it up a notch and do some fancy menu planning. I called Jim last night because he has left 3 messages on my machine this week. We have plans to see a movie. He hasn't been to a theater in years and so I offered to take him downtown so he can see the changes. Maybe we can get an ice cream or something after the movies. He is experiencing good days right now so we need to take advantage of them. Well, I'm getting a late start today so I better get busy. I'll blame it on the miners.