Yesterday in one of my classes I had a unique experience. At the beginning of class we are given a writing prompt to which we spend a few moments responding to and yesterday's topic was "Think about Thanksgiving days of the past...the smells, the tastes, and then write about it." Afterward, volunteers share their writing and it is usually a time of "Oh that's nice," or "That's pretty funny." Yesterday one student read her paper and by the time she finished I had tears flowing down my face. I tried so hard to keep my composure...when I thought I was doing OK, I turned around and every person in the class was crying. She described in great detail being with her father on Thanksgiving day two years ago when he drew his last breath. Her family was gathered around this wonderful icon in her family and essentially "walking him home." Now I have always thought of death as being an intimate experience, one in which the dying is being enveloped in that transcendent spirit of being at one with God, a time when one's life purpose is gathered and negotiated for rest, for a peaceful ending. I've always thought it would be better not having earthly sentiment be a disruption to the ever so intimate process of finding that peace...I once relished the idea of dying alone (when that time comes) and being able to achieve the peace that can only be provided by our Creator...but this woman's paper, single-handedly, has given me a new perspective on that thought and so now I am feeling what a lovely thought it is to have those you love see you through...to hold your hand...to bring comfort while that journey begins anew...and what joy those loved ones can take from that moment having been part of that spiritual peace. I think back three years ago when my father-in-law passed away on Christmas morning and there was no peace. His death was abrupt and shocking for even him as he clutched his heart and fell to the ground. Death is such a defining and vulnerable experience for everyone at all levels and even though this subject seems rather morbid on the surface...it really isn't. It is a rare moment that can be beautifully orchestrated in peace and I think what an honor it would be to have God's blessing of timeliness to have someone accompany you on that last breath...I think those moments are quite rare, but I do look at them differently now. What a strange thing to be thinking about the day before Thanksgiving! But it is an epiphanic thought for me and I just wanted the experience of writing it down. Needless to say, this person's paper was a unifying force for the class members. It drew us in and allowed us to share an emotional moment together, a rare moment in the classroom and I think our silence and our tears did something that will trigger a special look, an intimate acknowledgment, as we pass each other in the hallways on days that follow.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
revised thoughts on dying
Yesterday in one of my classes I had a unique experience. At the beginning of class we are given a writing prompt to which we spend a few moments responding to and yesterday's topic was "Think about Thanksgiving days of the past...the smells, the tastes, and then write about it." Afterward, volunteers share their writing and it is usually a time of "Oh that's nice," or "That's pretty funny." Yesterday one student read her paper and by the time she finished I had tears flowing down my face. I tried so hard to keep my composure...when I thought I was doing OK, I turned around and every person in the class was crying. She described in great detail being with her father on Thanksgiving day two years ago when he drew his last breath. Her family was gathered around this wonderful icon in her family and essentially "walking him home." Now I have always thought of death as being an intimate experience, one in which the dying is being enveloped in that transcendent spirit of being at one with God, a time when one's life purpose is gathered and negotiated for rest, for a peaceful ending. I've always thought it would be better not having earthly sentiment be a disruption to the ever so intimate process of finding that peace...I once relished the idea of dying alone (when that time comes) and being able to achieve the peace that can only be provided by our Creator...but this woman's paper, single-handedly, has given me a new perspective on that thought and so now I am feeling what a lovely thought it is to have those you love see you through...to hold your hand...to bring comfort while that journey begins anew...and what joy those loved ones can take from that moment having been part of that spiritual peace. I think back three years ago when my father-in-law passed away on Christmas morning and there was no peace. His death was abrupt and shocking for even him as he clutched his heart and fell to the ground. Death is such a defining and vulnerable experience for everyone at all levels and even though this subject seems rather morbid on the surface...it really isn't. It is a rare moment that can be beautifully orchestrated in peace and I think what an honor it would be to have God's blessing of timeliness to have someone accompany you on that last breath...I think those moments are quite rare, but I do look at them differently now. What a strange thing to be thinking about the day before Thanksgiving! But it is an epiphanic thought for me and I just wanted the experience of writing it down. Needless to say, this person's paper was a unifying force for the class members. It drew us in and allowed us to share an emotional moment together, a rare moment in the classroom and I think our silence and our tears did something that will trigger a special look, an intimate acknowledgment, as we pass each other in the hallways on days that follow.
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8 comments:
got a ache in my throat...death is a very spiritual experience no matter what faith and I love how you put it in words. I cant count the times I've been with families in the hospital and got to share the journey with the patient and families, or this was this one special time, a young women in her 20's had cancer and her father was an assembly of god minister, and you could feel peace, God was in that room, and I didn't want to leave that room and her father I guessed sinced it and asked me to stay and sing songs of praises, and pray while his daughter took her last breath...I felt so honored to be able to share that with them..I still see him from time to time, and we hugg as families, and in all reality we are!! I love you my dear friend
Love always
Nettie
what a special thing you and your class got to be a part of joni....and wonderful that she evoked the compassion from everyone gathered....your father-in-law sounds like he passed away exactly as bryan's father did.....but i was with my sweet mama when she passed.....holding her hand and sharing her last moments with her....and i could tell that she saw before her what she had lived her whole life for.
i would much rather have that experience to think back on, than her passing without me.
love you and may your Thanksgiving be warm with special moments!
xoxo
kimberly
Hello……
Oh, handsome! A Superbly erudite post!
This is amazing!! I am so glad to found your blog!
Thank you for sharing that touching story. I have sweet precious memories of my parents deaths. In so many ways they were similar. They died a little over 2 years apart in a small hospital where the staff was very accustomed to death and therefore the nurses and staff really knew how to minister to the family during those final hours. Both of them died during the night and I was able to get there before they passed away even though I live about 120 miles away. My husband did not go either time and doesn't understand that sweet time of releasing a suffering parent to go to be with his/her maker for eternity.
Yes, it certainly makes a difference to us to be there when someone close to us dies. And I imagine I would really appreciate having someone, especially my family, beside me when I go to be with the Lord...for as someone said, that is why we have been here all along.
Lovely experience you were all able to share in class Joni. Annie
I am sitting here staring at the screen trying to figure out what to say and how to start........
My mind is flooded with so many stories from friends over the years that have been by the bedside of a loved one as they pass.
I think being together is a cherished moment. Much of the time people tell me they hear angels or see the peaceful smile as their loved one reaches out to hold hands with Jesus. They talk about the visions they see and it completely helps the people who are left in their grief to know that their loved one is taken care of, happy, and in no pain.
For the loved one...there is joy in being able to share and relate in that time where they can briefly see both worlds and then let go.
I am so sorry about your fath-in-law. How sad for his death to be sudden like that. I can only imagine how hard of a time it was for your family.
What a wonderful post ! I loved reading this. My best friend and sister in law died in her home with everyone surrounding her and holding her hand before she passed on. I agree with you it would not only be comforting but a peaceful. Thanks for sharing.
My Mother passed away last February and I was with her. She was struggling so hard to breath and I took her hand and bent down and whispered in her ear that her whole family was there and that we were all at peace and that we loved her and that she was the best Mom ever. I then told her to take God's hand and let him lead her home. Just then she relaxed took her last breath and she was gone. I will never forget it Joni. I was such a warm feeling, even though sad, to know she was at peace and in the arms of the Lord.
thanks for sharing this story with us. You are a dear.
Hugs
Patti
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