Last night's visit with my downtown friends went a little differently than it usually does. I'm learning that the first of the month brings out the individual vices because most of them have more money in their pockets...and I'm OK with that...it's not my lifestyle, but if I were in their shoes...er, socks, I'd probably want to linger in numbness for as long as possible too. What I didn't expect was to witness violence...that came as a surprise...and it all happened very fast. Actually the few who were drinking were very well behaved...a little demonstratively emotional, but otherwise happy-go-lucky. The one (Amanda) who burst out in a violent tantrum is afflicted with bipolar disorder and she became angry and frustrated and decided to take it out on another homeless person...very sad...my stomach became very nervous because I do not like conflict and I was unsure of where it might lead. I observed how the others managed these moments and I tried to emulate their sense of alert calmness. I think this must be something they have grown use to. There is one guy there that I gain a sense of protection from as he seems to exert a no-nonsense manner. His name is David and he is one of the few that looks me in the eyes when we talk. I have an undefined respect for him for some reason I cannot explain. The woman (Kathy) at the receiving end of the violent behavior was pretty tough. I know she wanted to cry and I know I wanted to hug her. She was a beautiful girl who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I have never seen behavior like this. The first thing I did when I got back to my car was pray for both of them. Many questions are floating in my head today. David was not in the area until after it happened. I wonder if he would have done something? I wonder why Amanda isn't on medication? I wonder where Kathy went when she got up and left? Was she really OK? How will Amanda's outburst effect the rapport her and I have developed? Will she be ashamed? Aware? Angry? I refuse to judge her by these actions, but I can't help be more cautious around her. The moment that most touched my heart all evening was when Marvin, a small-framed older gentleman, asked me, "Would you think me greedy if I asked for another one?" (I served sloppy joes and jello cups with fruit). I put my arm around his bony little shoulders and gave him a light squeeze and told him, "When you're hungry, it's not greedy to ask for more." He whispered "Thank you"...and sat back down with another sloppy joe burger. I've made Tami my official menu planner, but I think I need to figure out a way to get more fruits and vegetables in them....I just don't see them eating steamed broccoli. Next week they have requested Hamburger Helper Cheeseburger Macaroni. I really enjoy getting to know them on an individual basis. I guess I have to expect the bad with the good, but I will concentrate on the good parts, maybe they'll notice that I do and it will give them something to think about.
15 comments:
Wow.... gosh.... just reading your post, Joni, makes me have to slow my breathing down. As for the bi-polar... I lost my marriage to that disease and it could be that Amanda doesn't have health insurance/can't afford the medication she should probably be on. It's a horrible, insideous disease that destroys so much without nary a whim. I am touched to tears by Marvin's question...and your tender answer. God bless you. You are an angel among.
Well, Joni, I have to tell you how shocked I was to read about Amanda. I only say that because having bi-polar disorder myself, and as many times as I've been in meetings, the hospital and around others with this same disorder, them and myself being on and off the medication, I've never witnessed nor heard of behaviour like that. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely am certainly not an expert on illnesses although I do have that one. I would also like to say, however, that some are diagnosed wrong and can present at times as bipolar when actually it can go much deeper than that, and schizophrenia (sp?) be part of their illness.
The "normal" behaviour is to totally withdraw, and at its most difficult to harm ones self, not others. So you can see why I'm surprised. I sure hope the girl she attacked will be okay, and that somehow Amanda can be helped.
You are so brave for what you do, and I'll tell you again, I could not do it. I wish there was someone who could/would go with you though to keep you safe. I know your son went last time when he was visiting.
Wow, you sucker punched me on this one. I'm sorry also to read that your other commenter 'velvet brick' experienced a bad marriage because of the manic depression. Take care, didn't mean to write you a book.
I have family members (outlaws) that have bi-polar and it can be a little different in every case. In our situation it is not unusual for the person to go off meds when they perceive they are "fine". Sometimes the disorder comes with other problems attached (in our case alcoholism) it makes for a very ugly drunk. But all cases are different. It is hard to say how she will react. If you do not want to judge her, don't. Let her lead the way... she has a whole week to figure it out.
As for vegetables... in the food kitchens, we find the best way to give them vegetables is through a casserole... like brocolli casserole, or green bean, or something like that. It gives them a little something more to stick to their ribs.
Hang in there. Those kinds of outbursts are not rare. Many times that is why they are on the streets. It is unfortunate that we have let down so many people with mental health disorders. They need to be protected, monitored and helped with their medications. Can't do it when you push them out on the streets. There used to be facilities with structure and discipline... not anymore!
God bless you!
Oh Joni,I am glad you are safe and was not the victim of that outburst. In my training I know that those things can/do happen. Often times when the person feels they have everything under control they will take their self off the meds and then when they slip back into the old habits they don't know it. They don't see themselves as needing the medication. I always found it so sad that I could not take someone into protective custody when they were not taking the medicines they needed. To hear their parents, loved ones, friends, just beg me for help broke my heart more times than I can tell you. They feel so helpless, and honestly they are. Once they reach the age of majority, (18 in OKLA)there is nothing that family and friends can do. Isn't that so sad?
I really do wish you would have someone go with you when you feed these new friends. I wish you had someone helping you and also be there just in case something should happen so someone could call out for help.
I also am glad to see they do not ask for outrageous things to eat. The simple things are so appreciated it sounds like.
You are truly as the song says, Angels Around Us.
ps, I am SO glad to see you posted this, I was hoping to read about it today!!!! Please keep telling us your journey. And how is the sleeping bag drive going?
a niece in our family is bi-polar...i agree with others, that each individual case is different...and it is also so hard to say what caused her behavior...it could have been something else with the medication, or as others mentioned, she can't afford meds or has taken herself off of them....so hard to say....but hoping they are both okay...and i agree with others....it would be nice if you had someone else there with you....:) we all sound like parents!...i'm sure they appreciate so much your kindness....just sad to see the world they have to deal with....bless you for the bit of sunshine you give them.
love,
kimberly
She may not have the money for her medicine. Many individuals in those circumstances don't.
I admire you so much for being brave and going there and doing this. You are making a difference.
Love Nita
God was there protecting you, and last night down town they had that "Gathering" and we prayed over the City for protection and see God heard us...he protected you. Please careful with Amanda, (I'll e~mail you later on that)but the angels are diffentley around you....poor people! I love you
xoxoxoxoxox
Nettie
Oh Joni, you are such a dear..I am sure the lack of meds is from lack of funds..it's a vicious cycle too.
We all have the capcity to be homeless ..out of work, out of money, out of touch..we should NEVER judge..
and your kind answer..was wonderful..you are God's hands here on earth..I am proud to call you friend..
fondly, deena
I'd have been a nervous wreck in a situation like that, how brave of you to stay and complete your mission. You're surely doing God's work!
You exchange with Marvin brought tears to my eyes. It is so easy to fall prey to stereo typing people who have no homes and forget that they were not always like they are now. They have dignitiy and crave respect just like the rest of us.
I am glad that you were safe and that the outburst wasn't directed to you. I understand that most of the time you go alone on these outings. Do you let someone know when you leave and tell them your location?
I am guardedly encouraged by your reassurance that you will exercise caution in your vulnerability to potentials for harm. Please do exercise prudence in this!
Your "Marvin moment" brought an instant well of tears ... and appreciative admiration for you and your magnificent heart!
Your questions about encouraging the Good whilst turning away from the Bad behaviors reminds me of the very basic behavioral truths embodied in the behavioral reinforcements employed by the "whisperer" practice. This is an innate mechanism that delivers surprisingly immediate results. Well worth consideration, I would think.
I am so grateful for, and enriched by You, My Darling Joni, in my life. My world is a more beautiful and enjoyable place to dwell in ... with the Gift of your Presence.
I love You.
Hugs to you Joni. I can feel the love you have for your friends and am in awe of your commitment and echo the sentiments of the other posters. You and your friends are in my prayers for their safety and yours. Much love, Phyllis
Joni, just thinking of you this evening. I just wanted to tell you again how proud I am of you.
You always handle things with such grace. You will figure out how to handle this, don't worry.
Love Nita
Hi Joni, I was reading some of the comments and that people seem to have a good understanding of bipolar and some I really admire because they could say they had it. I do think you should take someone. When a person's mental illness is out of balance, you just don't know what will happen because they don't know. People are right, each case is different and I've worked with some people who had it. I didn't see that kind of break all though one person did say when he went into his manic phase he was dangerous because if he got mad he could quite easily hurt someone. When he was stable he was a decent guy. Please take care of yourself.
I feel for those afflicted with bipolar. My son in law has it but it is under control now with drugs to level out the embalance of chemicals in his body. It is scary and so hard to deal with at times. Most patients won't or don't stay on their medication.
Be careful my friend. You are a trusting soul but keep your guard up please. These people have come to look for your handout and hopefully it won't take one bad apple to spoil it for the others.
I will pray for Amanda.
Bless Marvin's heart. He sounds like a very sweet person. You are such an angel and God Bless you for doing so much for these unfortunate people. You probably make their entire week!
Stay safe Joni
God Bless You
BIG Hugs
Patti
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