Time...

It's another beautiful morning and I must say I haven't been up this early in a very long time! I have a loooong day today, My classes are scheduled from 8:00a.m to 7:00p.m. with only an hour and a half break at 2:30 so I thought I had better get a jump on the day. Sunday I took Jim to the movies to see The Bourne Ultimatum. It was a pretty good action flick and it was fun to share downtown with someone who remembers it's history but hasn't seen it in awhile. I love to listen to stories about the past and particularly from the older generation. There is always a little sparkle in their eye when they recount stories and events and it's quite alright if they don't remember entire details because I don't know the difference and just getting out what they do remember just seems very precious to me. I think it is true that we end up much like how we started in life. I can tell that Jim was once socially ambitious and very confident and yet now he measures the direction of each conversation and seeks approval for the slightest action. Kind of like when the kids use to play sports. They would confidently walk up to the batter's box (or whatever was relative to the sport) and establish their position, but just as they settled in to where they needed to be, they would make eye contact with me. I don't believe it was just to make sure I was watching. I think it was a last dig for confidence. They knew I believed in them and they needed to gather quick assurance before the ball arrived. The stages in life are very unique and it doesn't take much observation to be completely fascinated by the richness they each contribute. So I'm alright with aborting the securities of social expectations and just living in the moment. I can't quite explain my relationship with Jim. He is a stranger to whom I have no emotional ties or personal attachment and yet he represents a passage of time to me. He is every apology and every regret a man might feel when he wishes he had his life to live over again. On the surface he is a gentleman. His gestures are refined and his vocabulary suggests an education and yet I know he is (or was) a vagabond of sorts with absolutely no sense of responsibility. I sense that he is simply trying to make a real connection with the world through me. I feel sorry for him because he is dying and at the same time I am cautious of him and I really do not even know why. Kristin thinks I am his closure in life and me, I'm not sure what I think, but I do know that a movie and a milkshake on a sunday afternoon doesn't take up that much time.