Jim's Day

What a beautiful Saturday morning. Everything is peaceful and still outside. I have big plans today so I am getting an early start. Only Erik and I went to Ryan's funeral yesterday. It was by far the largest funeral I have ever been to. He truly touched many lives and it was nice that they allowed many of his friends to share stories after the scheduled speakers shared their own. It was a very long service - about 3 hours - and we only stayed for the actual service. Erik had a wedding to go to so we left early. It was nice to see some of the boys Erik was in scouts with. I could not believe how they have changed. They weren't little boys with chubby faces and braces on their teeth anymore. They were all very tall and handsome. Most of them were home from college. I think there were about 6 of our Eagles there including Ryan. It would have been better to see them under different circumstances. It was a confusing day, one full of questions and memories. I only pray that I never have to go through any of that. I realize that my children are God's children first and that they are only on loan to me for awhile but I have become quite attached to them and would like them to have long, full lives that extend my own.

Today I am taking Jim for a drive in the country or up in the hills somewhere. Jim is my biological father. We have never had a relationship since I met him when I was about 15 years old. He has sporadically kept in touch over the years and his heart feels guilty for having given me up for adoption. I have reassured him that it really was for the best. My adopted parents were loving, caring people who met all of my needs. The past six months or so he has been calling more because he is dying of lung cancer. He wanted to do something together but he is not in any condition to be walking around too much so I thought I would just drive him around and listen to his stories. I have never desired a relationship with him. He is a stranger to me but Kristin has covinced me to do this for him. I also think that God has a hand in most things that occur and knowing his lifestyle maybe there is more to this than meets the eye. I will just follow whatever God lays upon my heart. In the very least, I know we are stopping for a meal and I will have the opportunity to pray for him. If you have ever experienced someone praying for you in your presence, you know it is a very touching and humbling experience. I remember once when I delivered a Thanksgiving meal to a woman and before I left I asked her if I could pray for her and afterward she began weeping and I didn't know what to do so I just hugged her and she told me that nobody had ever prayed for her. I could see how it affected her and I only thought of how sad the reality of that really was and what a privelege I had just happened into. It also made me realize how I take that for granted. I have had people pray for me and with me countless times but I have never experienced the appreciative heart at the level she did. People can open our eyes by the smallest things. So maybe that is what I am hoping for today, an eye opening experience with Jim, for both of us. I know he has many stories and I am curious about them and maybe in some way I can add another one to his collection.